Playdates

Baby playdates are such an odd phenomenon. Not because they are in themselves odd, but because of the circumstances surrounding them. They are not organic in the sense that they just happen in a spontaneous way the way things used to in my teens and twenties. They are planned and there is serious unspoken etiquette about what goes on during.

Can I pass for someone who belongs? Sure I can. I do belong. And the ladies I often share baby space with are very nice. But are we really ladies? No. We are MOMS. Yes, we all have personalities and likes and dislikes but they dont often come out in conversation. We dont talk much about politics, health care, finances, the latest news, religion, family life, or even sex, the thing that got us here in the first place. We talk about kids. What milestones they've hit, what activites they engage in, what they are eating, what they are wearing, what they are saying.

It's good to have an outlet like this. The truth is, no one else wants to talk about these things. And all the while Gigi is playing near other children, which exposes her to other ways of doing things, some germies she probably needs to come up against and toys she doesnt own.

But for women who feel like their identity is drowning in a sea of powder pink or baby blue, playdates are not the answer. I haven't had any kind of identity crisis (yet). I thoroughly enjoy being a mom and I feel pretty secure that the rest of me is alive and well. However I can't imagine that a playdate will make any woman feel normal.

What is normal? It's different for everyone. I wish for a good debate now and then. Or to change someone's cell phone language to Spanish like we used to at work. Or even to identify a client's needs and sell them something. Or whatever. But we are moms and we dont have time for these things. At least, not with each other.

I think eventually the key is to find a way to stop replacing other facets of me with kid oriented stuff. At least that is how I feel at the moment. How will I do that while taking a one year old everywhere I go? I havent figured that part out yet.